Letting Go.

This break has been… eventful? traumatic? life-changing? Yeah that’s the word life-changing. I’ve seen Gigi grow into herself. She has changed the most. Me, on the other hand, seem to be stuck in the same place trying to find my way. I know, I know… I am feeling sorry for myself. Gigi didn’t ask for any of this and the world gave her hell to go through and she’s made it. She made it through kicking and screaming. But she powered through. Right now, I feel like crying. She had to make the toughest decision of her life about an hour ago.

This might sound strange but I have to get back to school for my last year. I was able to “home” school for the first couple of weeks. That was when Gigi and Marc were getting to know each other. She didn’t want me to leave her. I had never seen Gigi worried about what a guy thought of her. She didn’t care what anyone thought of her. She was like that black leather jacket that makes your outfits look edgy. Yet, paired with the right top and bottom could become something completely different. She is an outfit changer. A game changer. Marc knew exactly how to read Gigi like he knew her her entire life.

She told the doctors to do whatever they could to keep Marc fighting for his life. Money was no object. She’s even been researching to see if sending him to another hospital would be the best.

I’m sitting in the hospital cafeteria. Literally staring at the vending machines for a good three hours now, just listening to them buzz. The air conditioner is turned on. I’m getting goosebumps and my fingers don’t want to type anymore.

I’m not sure what Gigi will do if she loses Marc. I truly believe she has met her soulmate. I’m not sure she can take another heartbreak. I’m worried that this time might break her. We need to let go of the past and hold on to the future. I remember this one time when I snuck out of the dorms with my school friend. We ended up going to a store where they sold everything really cheap. This old man was sitting by the exit. He told me to live for today because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and yesterday is the past. Or something like that… it’s been years. So today I will start living for today.

XOXO.

Where am I?

I don’t even know where to start… sleeping in a hospital next to my “husband”… two things I never thought I would do. First, have a fucking husband? When did I get so domesticated, if  I was a betting man (which by the way I’m not because vag) I could have sworn that Ashton would have been the first married.

Life is blows right now. I’m holding the hand of a stranger and now have to decide if he should stay on live support. Yeah I know there must be tons of questions. Well, Marc (my “husband”) collapsed a couple days ago. The doctors said something about him having swelling on the brain. They had to induce coma and now he has all these tubes in him. What is happening to my life right now? I already lost my mother and now I’m losing the guy I’ve started to give my heart to. Maybe I should tell you about how we eventually found him?

So, Ashton’s mom has a friend who does undercover work or some shit like that. BIG SHOCK HERE, she dated my fucking father! The bitch turned him into the cops. I blew up when I met her. I do not know what came over me. All of a sudden it was like my hands weren’t mind and I punched her in the face. After that I ran, faster than I have ever ran. I didn’t even know where I was going. I just had to leave. Ashton followed me. She’s the reasonable one. However, in that moment she looked like she had done some kind of heavy drugs and was dancing around me. She asked if I felt better. At the time I did, I felt like all my build up anger was released in that punch. We ended up sitting on the sand watching the waves slowly come in as the tide rose. We had to go back. I had calmed down and had to apologize (which Ashton suggested… she was back to her normal levelheadedness). So I did through clenched teeth and she apologized for ruining my teenage years. We decided to start over. She said something about understanding…. which I told her to bite me. Good second start. Hey, it’s better than a punch in the face, even though the bitch deserved it.

So it didn’t take her that long to find Marc. I was surprised that she was able to find him with the little information I had. Now that it was further from that incredibly stupid life moment, it was more fuzzy and that’s saying something because I was trashed at the time. She kept saying it wasn’t that hard to find him and we were looking in all the wrong places. He lived and worked in the town.

The doctors just came in I have to go.

Change is a good thing?

I never thought I would be where I am right now 6 months ago, hell even a week ago. So much has changed and I am not sure if it is for the better. We found Gigi’s “husband” and it turns out he’s a cool dude. He’s funny and looks at Gigi like she’s the center of his universe. Basically like most men and occasionally some women. But his eyes share his soul and they care. My mother’s friend had to do some investigating to find him, but it didn’t take that long.

Where am I right now? In a foreign hospital waiting room with my mother and her friend Kennedy. Gigi’s “husband” collapsed, what was it, 24 hours ago, I’m not quite sure. Time seems to be standing still. And I can’t seem to stop feeling like we’re in a knock off version of a Nicolas Sparks book. Gigi will always be the leading lady but I do not think she wants to star in this one.

I’ll update my diary as soon as I know anything. We just found out that Gigi has to make decisions for him. The doctors had to medically induce coma and she has to decide if he should continue life support.
XOXO.

International Incident

Just thought I would pop on here and update you on what’s been going on…

First, I made it on to the international news today. Yay me, right? I get to have my 15 minutes of fame! NOT! Like not even a little bit. Why? Well, if you must know, my wonderful father sent me a letter from wherever he is now. People feel sorry for him and are now making me out to be the bad guy because I refuse to talk to him. One letter doesn’t make up for eighteen years of being treated like that. He’s doing it for the publicity. He’s showing his clients that he still has it even though he’s locked up. I’m not as naïve as he believes I am. Well, not anymore, I’ve had to grow up fast.

Why does it seem like every time my life seems fine, it plummets and my father always seems to pop up and make it 100 times worse?

I’m still married. We (mostly Ashton’s mom) haven’t been able to find my “husband” and it makes worry (and as you know I never worry about anything; I pride myself with my go with the flow attitude). Part of me wants to go off the wagon and party my ass off but I don’t want to end up married again. I been dry as a desert in the summertime since Ashton found out I was married. Detoxing is not for the weak at heart. I didn’t know my body could hurt so much. Plus, I don’t feel like making dudes brother husbands. Also, now that I think about it, isn’t that illegal and I don’t want to end up in jail. Then I might get bored like my father and ask random people for forgiveness. Then, get my PR company off the ground while locked up, daughter like father.

So instead of boozing it up,  I’ve taken my hopeless life and started extreme exercise. I’ve been running on the beach, lifting weighs, and swimming miles. I could probably win a triathlon.  The only downside is that now I kind of look like a body builder. It’s not really the look I’m going for but I have a new party trick, my chest muscles are so developed I can move my tits. Recently, whenever Ashton has to tell me something serious, I start moving them and we end up laughing our asses off. I should probably calm down the whole working out craze.

Ashton and her mother are  working very hard to find out where we should go next to track this guy, aka my drunk mistake marriage. Ashton’s mom said we might want to call her friend, Kennedy, because she’s famous for finding men who don’t want to be found. She also said she could also be classified as a high end hooker that was never caught. Ashton’s mother would have a friend like that, to be honest. Her name sounded familiar but I couldn’t place her. I think my dumbass might actually be helping Ashton and her mom become closer. Well at least my rockbottom could bring them closer. They really needed it.

I guess I should go now, my washboard abs won’t work themselves out alone. It feels like my life is falling apart at the seams. I must have been a horrible person in my previous life. I’m not really sure how to fix it right now. It feels like I’m drowning in my problems. Tell me it gets better right?

I’m the villain!

Yes! I know, I’m Georgia’s father and I am the villain in this story. I’ve tried for months now to apologize. She just doesn’t seem to be getting my letters, phone messages… hell I even bought a carrier pigeon. How someone smuggled that in here, trust me, you don’t want to know. Also you don’t want to be that guys cellmate, because he cannot control his anus.

I realize that I have never been there for her and when I was, it would have been better if I wasn’t there at all. I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me, which would probably help get Georgia to actually speak to me. You might feel a little sorry for me by the end of this, but I have to warn you that I am manipulative businessman and I only think for myself. Honestly I could convince you to buy your own shit. That’s just how I was raised and I don’t know anything other than that. I’ve been doing this “group counseling” session and it has made me realize that I am a terrible person. Georgia’s mom used to tell me that I had a good soul, and I used to laugh. But hopefully whatever this is that I am writing will eventually end up being read by Georgia. I’m turning over a new leaf because well I have a LOT of time on my hands. 

Where do I begin? I mean I have time, nothing but time quite honestly, you know this whole locked up thing. I’ve been reevaluating my life. I thought I was invincible and didn’t give a shit about anyone else, especially my daughter. To be honest it was because she reminded me so much of her mom that it broke my heart looking at her. That woman was my soulmate, the day I lost her was the day I lost myself. My life turned to darkness that day.  I thought that the day was the day your mom told me she was pregnant was the darkest day but I was wrong. That day my did change my life forever but I eventually found out what true bliss was because I was with her. In that moment I didn’t think the change would ever be a good thing. I was a young(ish) man on his way to global success. I was predestined billionaire. I offered to pay for the procedure to get rid of you but your mother wanted to keep you. And she was stubborn, you get that from her. She’ll probably haunt me for that.  So I thought she just wanted to keep you to get my money. She stopped talking to me for a year. I wasn’t even there when she gave birth. I bet you didn’t know that part of the story. She was the strongest person I’ve ever met. She didn’t need me but I needed her. I still do. Part of me  died in that time apart and when we got back together I never wanted to let her go. Then the rest died when she was taken from us. 

Yes,  I realize that I am a grown-ass man but heartbreak like that isn’t something that heals quickly. I lost my soul. I know pot and kettle situation. I’ve broken many hearts over the years. I’ve married more women than I can keep track of. I’ve done incredibly selfish and dangerous things. I know that I tried to blame all that on the death of my soulmate but I am taking responsibility now. The first few months being in here, I blamed everything on a woman named Kennedy. I plotted and schemed and blew a lot of money to try to end her. The thing is she caught on before anything could happen to her. She has been the only one to visit me. She was the one to get me arrested. I used to blame her for my situation. I don’t anymore. I’ve made my bed and now I must sleep above some other dude.

At first they had to handcuff me because you know me, manners   died when I was made. I would hit a woman. After a while of her just being there every week, no matter what I said or did (I spit on her), she kept coming back. She would tell me what was going on in the world. She told me her life story. To be honest she really got under my skin. It was like your mother was speaking to me through this woman. The old me would take credit for this letter but it really wasn’t my idea. Kennedy said I needed to right everyone/thing I had wronged. This is the start. I don’t blame you if you never forgive me. I am a horrible person. And even if you never read this, it will be out in the world. 

Georgia, please forgive me. 

My Dearest Daughter

I’ve never considered myself an adult. Yes, I know I have a daughter that is practically an adult herself but I’ve never felt like an adult. Honestly, I’m probably the world’s worse mother, I tend to make the worst decisions. As Gigi’s mother used to say, I make a lot of BLDs (bad life decisions).

I think it is time to give Gigi the letter her mother gave me the day she told me that she was pregnant. At the time I asked her if she wanted me to drive her to the clinic to get rid of it. I know I know! I am a terrible person but at seventeen you’re still a child. I know it’s controversial and looking back I’m glad Gigi’s mom told me to go F* myself. But Gigi’s mom, my best friend was the strongest person I know and was ready to become a mother. She was financially stable even without her father, shocking I know.  She was always meant to be a mother.

Dear Baby,

If you are reading this then I am no longer with you. I know terrible way to start a letter, right. The moment I found out I was pregnant, well honestly knocked me on my ass. My life changed forever. I was so young at the time and all your father wanted was a boy. But I knew you were a girl. You came to me in my dreams. A curly blonde angel who stole my heart right away. I hated children and I wasn’t sure I even wanted one. But I wanted to meet that child who was in my dream. I never told your father that I knew you were a girl. As soon as you arrived you looked just like her. I could not wait to see you grow up and become a strong young woman, like me. I planned to grow up with you.

You must have done something life changing, otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten my letter. I told Stacey  that she was only to give you this letter if something happened to you and I was no longer around. I hope that you follow your heart and live your life with love. Love in your heart. Your father is the love of my life and the other half of my soul. He was formal and business like, while he called me his passion. He would tell me I have so much passion for life. Love was powerful! You are strong and passionate like me.

Just believe in yourself.

Love,

Mom

I hope that this helps Gigi in this big life change.

Happily Ever After?

Ashton’s mom is like a detective when she’s sober. She found my “husband” within twelve hours of getting back on the island we fled. Now that I think of it, I don’t actually know what she does for a living. Probably something I should know eventually. But not right now in that moment I needed to focus on getting un-married. So why did my heart feel like it was breaking. I had been in a toxic relationship before and we broke up and got back together more times than I can count. This time getting the annulment made me feel like cut open my chest and ripped out my heart. This was NOT supposed to happen this way. I think I’m broken. I just really wanted a guy who would sweep me off my feet. Love is supposed to be magical. I guess I’m too cynical for my own good and I’m doomed.

I thought I knew what it felt like when the love of your life walked out the door. I thought I knew that feeling you get when you know it’s over. The one where he cares more about himself then he could ever care about you. The one where he tells you stories about how all of his friends cheat on their girlfriends regularly.  And also the stories of his dumbass cheating on his exs. So he was cheated on once, he cheated on her too. He shouldn’t be upset about that. You know who’s royalty? Karma is royalty. She will behead you when you’ve thought you got away with it. I didn’t feel that with him. The man that became my MR. Why didn’t I feel that when I filed for an annulment? I think part of my soul cracked that day.

I need to go sleep this feeling off… if you need me I’ll be in my bed. I can’t deal with this right now. I don’t think I can ever deal with this.

Over Qualified = Under Qualified

“Girl when I was your age, I was so broke I would offer to pay people with my debt. You’ll be fine! Calm down.” Although getting married too young was probably Gigi’s mother’s greatest regret. She believed that she found her happily ever after. I think she did too but she still should have waited. Okay so I didn’t tell them the whole story about why I was in that situation, you know that not having any money situation and having debt the size of the ocean. I had big problem online shopping without having an actual job. In my defense nobody would hire me. I repeat NO one would hire me. I had a degree from a reputable university but it wasn’t high enough and I didn’t have enough “work experience.” I would take out credit cards and not be able to pay them back. It was probably the lowest point in my life. It’s probably also the reason I never answer the phone… but that is a totally different issue.

The girls done f*ed up this time, well mostly Gigi, but she’s basically my daughter. I swore to her mother when she got herself knocked up I would take care of her baby no matter what. I don’t even think Ashton knows that. I practically raised Gigi. It’s kind of crazy looking at the girls, its like looking in back in time. A happy time, well kind of, at that age I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. Gigi looks just like her mother. It’s f*in’ scary shit man! Like part of her soul went into her daughter. It’s hard to believe that at one point in my life I was the rational one. I mean the Gigi apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I don’t know if she knew the story about how her mom met her dad. Although, right now is probably not the right time to bring that up. It’s like word vomit probably should only be said when someone is deathly ill and probably won’t remember because of all the meds they are on.

“You flew all the way down here to say ‘CALM DOWN!'” My brilliant daughter screamed at me. In the moment I was shocked and proud. How dare she scream at me after having me travel half way around the world for her! I know it’s a tough life. Sarcasm is my official language. I flew to the islands first class to help Gigi with her little dumb, dumb, dumb dumb. Then the other part was proud that my baby was standing up for herself.

SO! What do we do? Well, first things first…. we need to actually find this man that is legally married to Gigi. We had to start back at the scene of the crime. Then we can get this taken care up and annulled.

MRS……..?

“YOU’RE WHAT!!!” I remember screaming as we touched down. Everyone turned their heads to look at me.  Like that was the weirdest thing they’ve ever seen? Please I bet they’ve seen worse then a girl screaming at another. Maybe they were expecting me to start a ‘girl fight’….well that was not going to happen! Gigi had done something so incredibly stupid. I didn’t need to follow suit. I needed to get off that plan and leave before I said something I would regret. Who the hell gets married to a stranger on a tropical island?! I’m sorry but this is not a romance novel. If it was, I would fall madly in love with the next guy I meet. Which by the way is not happening, he can kiss my ass. I hate having to call my mom to bail me out but desperate times, or so they say.

“Mom, I need you!”

She might be the world’s worst mom but she was there when I needed her and we desperately needed her. The woman who would sing the dumb, dumb, dumb dumb song as a lullaby saying it was stupid to get married at eighteen. Well, we needed her help for Gigi’s current predicament. I’m so pissed. I don’t even know if I can’t look at her. My best friend. What the hell! I need to talk another walk, just thinking about this makes me fuming. It’s either a walk or my hand is going to break punching the wall. Gosh that makes me sound violent. I swear I’m not which is why I choose to walk it off instead. Just waiting on my mom not to be honest.

“Excuse me,” strange guy asked, ” Are you okay?”

Good lord, I thought!

“Peachy.” I said and walked away, that was freaky close to what would happen in one of those books mom would always cry over…and now that I think of it Dad used to cry over them too.

I guess I’ll just have to wait for mom in the next terminal.

XOXO.

Vitamin Sea

So you know how most people my age say stuff like, “Get in bitch! We’re going to the mall!” Well before Gigi’s father went to jail, she would say “Pack bitch! We’re going abroad!” Surprise! I am currently at a coffee shop accessing internet for the first time in a few weeks. Gigi got all of her money back. It was like her mother was looking out for her.

It seems like everything has been a blur and I’m now bronzed and I’m sure smell like a salt lick. We really haven’t done anything except lay of the beach and relax. Well actually we’ve been island hopping. We haven’t stayed on an island for more then five days. I know I should probably start thinking about school that is going to be starting soon but it’s nice not thinking about anything. No adults, no responsibilities! I’ve never seen this part of me before.

I just got don’t with an email to my parents because we don’t have internet access or cellular service. It’s been nice to completely disconnect. No social media, no comparing our life to those who just capture the good parts. They were a little worried about us but they know that we can take care of ourselves. I mean we are practically adults and well Gigi is eighteen.

Before I go I have to tell you the craziest thing that happened the other night. Some guy broke in. We had met him when we first landed on the island. Gigi almost charmed the pants off him, which was not a pretty sight because we were in the airport. Anyways, he was a convicted felon that had just been released from jail. Yeah, we attract real winners! (Sarcasm!) SO… fast forward, this guy is sleeping on our couch. Fully nude, butt crack sticking out of the curtain he used to cover himself. Obviously, he was intoxicated and thought it was a good idea to visit Gigi.

Gigi -“Why the F* is the door wet?”

Dude – “I don’t know… Do you have to speak so loudly?”

Gigi started screaming. – “I will speak as loudly as I want! This is my F*ing place!”

I tried to get in the middle of this situation because I knew it was only going to get worse. We didn’t need the police being called.

I whispered to Gigi telling her that Dude has peed on the front door and walked to the bathroom to wash his hands. I heard him then I saw him.

I know what you’re thinking. Weren’t you concerned that this guy could have really hurt you guys because he broke in. Well, yes but at the time that wasn’t our concern. The concern was getting the vomit/ pee smell out of the room. I mean Gigi eventually convinced him to clean up everything but still it was looking like it was going to get physical. I could see the rage in Gigi’s eyes when he was being a f*boy.

We booked the next flight to the next island after that night and we made pledges that we wouldn’t talk to local guys again.

Well I’m off to the hotel now. I left Gigi alone for the first time. I hope she is okay. I’m not sure what prompted this whole affair and I haven’t pried into what happened with Sebastian but I know that she will eventually tell me.

XOXO