He is so drunk he peed and shit himself. I cannot deal with this anymore.

I thought this sentence twice, once while I hoped he slept it off in my apartment and then again before I took the plane home.

Being in that relationship was a dark and hallow place of what I thought was love. It turned out that he loved himself more. I was always afraid the alcohol was going to kill him. Maybe that’s what he wanted.

How do I help him? How do I convince someone they need help?

I don’t like watching him hurt himself. I don’t want him to die. This is hard. Probably the hardest thing I want to do at my age.

How do I stop enabling this drinking that he calls a solution?

I need my mother. I know that sounds cliché but she will know what to do. It’s crazy how that happens. At one point in my life (teenage years) I thought I knew everything, turns out I don’t know shit. Thank god for mothers and fathers.

Today was supposed to be a fun day of drinking that turned into a nightmare.