Is this Home?

Do you ever think: maybe I wasn’t cut out to be someone’s girlfriend… No, just me? Okay, just asking… for a friend. Yeah. A friend.

I did a lot of thinking that night and not a lot of sleeping. I met him when I was in first grade. We were never close. I was the weird outcast and he was cool and popular. If this was a traditional love story then we would end up together. But that’s not how it went. He asked me out once. I laughed at him. I thought he was doing it as a joke. His friends were watching us like he was going to pour a drink on me. I told him no and walked away. I didn’t even see his reaction. I didn’t need to at the time. I was too focused on me, my world revolved around me. I really didn’t think he liked me in that way. I know why would I think that? He had asked me out. I was naive back then I didn’t think a guy could actually like me. We went our separate ways. Then my best friend started dating his best friend. And she would tell me that he would occasionally ask about me. I thought that was nice. Then, I moved. People always say they want to move from The Valley. No one ever does but always complain about it. Talk is cheap.

So let’s just to the present. Why was he asking about me now? Because we started talking on social media. I know it’s strange that after so many years we reconnected. I didn’t even tell my best friend about it. I didn’t know he needed help. We were very cordial in our messages. He never said anything other than how beautiful the weather was back home and that I should visit more. Maybe I should have read more into it. I didn’t think I needed to.  Did you know his mother was a big deal in The Valley? She had a security team with her at all times, which makes the murder/ suicide difficult to comprehend. Why because there is no way that it could have happened? At least not the way they wrote about it in the papers.

I should get out of the house because I think myself into a blackhole. I need to find out what happened. Best friend should be working now.. maybe? I don’t really know her schedule. It’s been forever since I’ve been home.