Ashton’s mom is like a detective when she’s sober. She found my “husband” within twelve hours of getting back on the island we fled. Now that I think of it, I don’t actually know what she does for a living. Probably something I should know eventually. But not right now in that moment I needed to focus on getting un-married. So why did my heart feel like it was breaking. I had been in a toxic relationship before and we broke up and got back together more times than I can count. This time getting the annulment made me feel like cut open my chest and ripped out my heart. This was NOT supposed to happen this way. I think I’m broken. I just really wanted a guy who would sweep me off my feet. Love is supposed to be magical. I guess I’m too cynical for my own good and I’m doomed.
I thought I knew what it felt like when the love of your life walked out the door. I thought I knew that feeling you get when you know it’s over. The one where he cares more about himself then he could ever care about you. The one where he tells you stories about how all of his friends cheat on their girlfriends regularly. And also the stories of his dumbass cheating on his exs. So he was cheated on once, he cheated on her too. He shouldn’t be upset about that. You know who’s royalty? Karma is royalty. She will behead you when you’ve thought you got away with it. I didn’t feel that with him. The man that became my MR. Why didn’t I feel that when I filed for an annulment? I think part of my soul cracked that day.
I need to go sleep this feeling off… if you need me I’ll be in my bed. I can’t deal with this right now. I don’t think I can ever deal with this.