My first time… 

Would it be inappropriate for this blog to be about the first time I had sex? I mean Ashton would probably kill me after I post it but really who gives a S. It’s all for good content and capturing memories. Right? Right. Thank goodness one of my men knows a think or two about computers. He calls himself a skilled hacker and he actually is, who knew?

So I was seventeen when I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend. He was a manwhore, liked taking virginities. I know the act should have been romantic and a big deal, but it wasn’t. It hurt. It hurt a lot. (Side note: I later learned that I was allergic to latex after that.) I was a dumb naïve bitch at age 17, trusting people and letting them have my heart. Anyways back to the story.

We were driving around my small town because there was nothing to do there besides each other. The guy had a single cab tiny beige truck. The best part about this guy was that he chewed and spit into a cup that I had to hold because the truck didn’t have cup holders. Disgusting!

I decided then and there I was losing my v-card once and for all. I knew he wasn’t the one but I wanted it in me. I had just gotten off that time of the month so before I told him my plan I used the nearest bathroom, threw out my tampon and psyched myself up. “Bitch you can do this!”

I got back in and started kissing him. The kissing started getting heavier into a full blown make out session. Then the next thing I know our clothes are on the floorboards and he’s asking me which condom he should use. I said the colorful one, “Orange?” He obeyed. Back then even thought I was dumb naïve bitch, I was not stupid. Condoms are essential. (This rule as I got old resulted in me not following like it was golden until it was too late. Girls better use a condom!)

There I was laying across the front seats of this truck. He kept asking if I was ready. I kept knodding. Why did he keep asking me that? Then finally he entered. There was no magical moment. There was no awww. Pump, pump, pull out, rip off condom and squirt.
A week later he told me it was the distance between us. He ended up dating and marrying my best friend who he was sleeping with on the DL while he took my virginity.
XOXO

Ashton’s Mother

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